Peaceful State of Mind

It’s 6am in the morning and here I am, wide awake, listening to the birds chirping while the smell of freshly baked bread fills the air as the Hot Bread Kitchen in Raiwaqa (yes I can smell it from my house) clears out their last batch. I’m reminded of all the mistakes I’ve made in 2018. I’m reminded of the people I’ve hurt along the way and I’m reminded of the things that I should have done but didn’t do. It’s not a healthy way to start the morning, but here I am, overthinking as usual. I want to say I “hit the ground running” for 2019 but I’d be lying if I did. There was no such thing. Sometimes you start with a bang and other times, much so like this year, I didn’t start with a bang. I started with an entire week of recovery because I went all out over the festive season and I only just managed to get some proper rest as the new year began. So this is me, early on a Friday morning lying in bed with my extra hard pillow that’s beginning to hurt my neck, still grog doped while waiting for my grandmother to come home for her fortnightly visits (Yes, she gets here super early. . .always). The reason for this write-up isn’t to seek pity or attention. It’s just for my personal peace and to carry on the remainder of the year with a clear conscience and a finer state of mind. There are great things in prospect for threegoodlane this year but I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I moved forward without settling 2018 issues. If anything, I learnt never to hold grudges and to learn to say “I’m sorry” or “I apologize”. It’s really not that hard you know. Sometimes we apologize just for the sake of it and other times we apologize so we can sweep all the problems under the carpet and move forward. But really, when the apology is sincere, when it’s heart-felt, we move on knowing that everything’s all good. And if, for some reason, the other person is still holding grudges than that’s on them. You’ve done your part. That’s all that matters. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Sometimes we feel like we should say sorry but it’s always our pride that gets in our way. We hold our heads high and look over our shoulders because in our heads “they should apologize first”. Pride is a universal sin and if it isn’t dealt with early, I feel like you’ll be living in regret for a good minute. I’m still in the learning process of trying to admit to my wrongdoings and learning how to sincerely apologize to those I’ve done wrong to. It’s not easy, I’ll tell you that. But in the end, It’s not for anyone else’s peaceful state of mind but your own. 2018 was a rollercoaster of events and emotions. Hitting the ground stumbling to soaring with the eagles, it was a great learning experience. In a month I’ll be 27. Not getting any younger and haven’t achieved much, but to be able to move on with no regrets but lessons learnt is somewhat rewarding. So here’s to everyone dealing with their demons and ghosts from the past. To those dealing with their pride and learning to say two simple words - “I’m sorry”. This is to positive vibes all year round and to new and exciting adventures to come. Food for thought. Have a wonderful weekend everyone.